She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sober January is a disaster.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
