I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
