u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
