Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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