am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
