Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
