I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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