i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
