I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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