i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
