I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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