pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
