I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
