I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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