Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
