I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
