my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
