god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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