oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
