How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
