Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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