my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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