so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
