I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
