Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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