There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
