Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize