Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
