That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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