Where is the hickey?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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