I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
