dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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