He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
