Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
