mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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