Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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