just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
