dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
