Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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