My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
