You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
