guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
