conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
