hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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