I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How external is "for external use only"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
