Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize