I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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