I want to make a zoo with you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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