It's like God shit irony all over that family
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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