I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's the barista slut.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
