a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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