Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
