my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
