On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
