I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
