So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
