my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
