She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
