I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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