absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
