Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
