I smell stomach acid.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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