Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
