Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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