my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
