Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
