Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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