if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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