The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
