No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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