guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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