Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
