I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
