She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
