whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
