RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
