I accidentally had phone sex last night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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