You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize