wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
