I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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