A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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