There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
