I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
