You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
